Archaeologist Discovers Human Remains 3,000 Years Too Late
CAIRO, Egypt — In a tragic turn of events, renowned archaeologist Dr. Ignatius Whitlock stumbled across an ancient Egyptian tomb…
Easy to Mix Up: Man Mistakes Clock for Scale
MOESBURG, Ok. — In a rather perplexing incident, local pastor Todd Thomas’s journey towards weight loss took an unexpected detour…
Woke Businesses Struggling To Install Restrooms To Accommodate All 483 Genders
U.S.A. — Woke businesses across the nation are reportedly struggling both spatially and financially. Many of the businesses are finding…
PETA Increases Diversity by Hiring BBQ Grill Master as Writer
NORFOLK, Va. — In a shocking move that left vegans and carnivores alike scratching their heads in disbelief, People for…
Baddison Blake Gains 600 Pounds So Fans Can See Her Better Onstage
TULSA, Ok. — In a surprising turn of events, pop star Baddison Blake has gained 500 pounds in an attempt…
Study: People Who Have More Birthdays Tend to Live Longer
In a groundbreaking study conducted by researchers at the renowned Georgia Institute of Longevity Sciences, a compelling correlation has been…
Local Man Expert on Stalking Victim
MOESBURG, Ok. — Stalking can be a terrifying experience that can leave the victim feeling personally attacked and vulnerable. Jennifer…
Why Women Actually Wear Heels
Imagine cramming your foot into a tall, pointy shoe only to hobble around like a lanky 7-foot-tall circus clown with…
Basketball Coach Missing Easy Shots Assures Everyone He Was Just Demonstrating What Not To Do
Topeka, KS — Marcus Belford, a middle school basketball coach, has been deemed “unfit for the job” after repeatedly failing…