Average Number of Languages Spoken Per American Drops to 0.8
U.S.A. — In a depressing development for this nation, the linguistic prowess of Americans has hit an all-time low, with…
Child Collector Facing Backlash for Controversial Hobby
MOESBURG, Ok. — Meet Charles Kaufman, a self-proclaimed child collector. His collection currently boasts of 230 children, a world record…
Catholic with Celiac Believes Communion Bread Safe for Consumption after Becoming Literal Body of Christ
MOESBURG, Ok. — In a display of unwavering faith and undying optimism, a Catholic with celiac disease has astounded medical…
Tired of Being Mistaken for Your Co-Worker? Try This
Are you constantly bombarded with remarks like, “Hey, I thought you were Mike from the editorial staff!” or “Wait, are…
Community Uses Local Child’s Disappearance as an Excuse to Have a Fun Karaoke Night
MOESBURG, Ok. — In a heartwarming display of unity and selflessness, our small town of Moesburg came together to search…
Biden Announces Next First Lady Will Be a Black Woman
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Brace yourself, America, for another groundbreaking promise from President Joe Biden! After already vowing to rebuild infrastructure,…
Scientists Admit They Experiment on Rats Out of Sheer Resentment
WORLD — A shocking admission made by hundreds of the world’s top scientists revealed that for all these years, scientists…
Man Upset Waiter’s Sudden Cardiac Arrest Caused Delay in Food Service
MOESBURG, Ok. — In a world where instant gratification is the norm, where microwave meals have become the culinary holy…
Natalie Portman Just Realized She Isn’t Keira Knightley While Reading Her Own Wikipedia Page
HOLLYWOOD, Ca. — In a bizarre and mind-boggling twist of self-discovery, Academy Award-winning actress Natalie Portman recently stumbled upon a…