MOESBURG, Ok. —
On Sunday morning at Elm Grove Baptist Church, service was interrupted by a crazed man in the parking lot claiming to be Jesus. The man, identified as Jeremy Snipes, who claims to be Jesus Christ, has started a new religion with a mass following in a matter of hours.
As soon as Snipes pulled up in his white van in front of the church and started making threats filled with obscenities, members immediately dropped their Bibles and rushed outside to hear Snipes’ beatitudes, despite warnings from the pastor that the man was dangerous and mentally unstable.
Over half the congregation has left and started a new religious order, The Church of Jeremy Christ of Latter-Day Psychos. When asked what caused the sudden change in religious affiliation, members responded with various reasons.
“I think it was the way he intonated those swear words and death threats that really made me think, ‘Yes, this is the perfect righteous Son of God who has come to save me from my sins,’” said founding member Becky Young.
“Jesus was white, right? Well, Jeremy is white, so he must be Jesus,” said newly-appointed bishop Henry Quincy.
“It says in the book of Revelations that Jesus would return in a white van with a massive great dane and cuss up a storm to bring wrath upon members of a church in Oklahoma, so it’s clearly the sign of the Messiah,” said Sister Penelope Herdman, who has become a nun and plans to start a nunnery dedicated to the service of Jeremy Snipes.
Snipes himself seems to be unaware of the religious fervor he has inspired, as he has driven away in his van, and no one knows when he will return again.
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