VITORIA-GASTEIZ, Spain – 

Catalonia and the Basque Country simultaneously declared independence from Spain on Wednesday, announcing that their new combined nation will be called “Spain’t.” The announcement comes after decades of the regions’ long and occasionally turbulent struggles for autonomy. 

Catalan president Salvador Illa cited the failed 2017 Catalan independence referendum as “merely the opening act” of a decades-long saga. “We tried voting. We tried negotiating. We tried waving flags really hard. Spain didn’t get it,” he said. Basque lehendaraki Imanol Pradales reportedly added that the Ibarretxe Plan and ETA’s various terrorist attacks were “all steps along the path to the inevitable: Spain’t,” although this statement is mere conjecture, as no one was able to translate what he was saying. 

Currently, Pradales is attempting to rally support in Navarre, a historically Basque-speaking region, to join the new nation. 

Spanish Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez responded with a mix of outrage and confusion. “First Catalonia attempts it in 2017, and now the Basque Country and Navarre, after we all thought they had given up… and they’re calling it Spain’t?” he said. “I… I can’t even comment. Legally, it’s complicated. Logistically, it’s chaotic. Linguistically… well, it’s just wrong.” 

Span’tish officials say they plan to cooperate on everything from governance to international relations, though critics are questioning whether a country defined entirely by a rejection of another can function effectively. “It’s like forming a club where the only rule is: don’t be us,” said political analyst María González. 

Residents of the new nation appear undeterred. Celebrations reportedly include parades, mass street parties, and fireworks going off inside motor vehicles.

Plans for the new nation include a project to rename several major Basque cities, shortening the names from both the Spanish and Basque names into one unified name. Since Bilbao is known as Bilbo in Basque, it has been decided that the cities will follow a Lord of the Rings theme. Donostia-San Sebastian will be renamed as Baggins. It is currently unclear what will become of Vitoria-Gasteiz, although there are rumors that it is to be renamed Frodo. 

International organizations are cautiously monitoring the situation. The United Nations noted that it is “reviewing Spain’t’s status” while the Union of European Football Associations reportedly asked if it would need to redo all the Euro soccer league schedules.

As Illa put it succinctly: “We’ve tried everything else. Now, we’re Spain’t. And that’s final.” 

Update: as of 9:00 AM CST, Spain has invoked its constitutional powers to suspend Spain’t’s autonomy and reassert control. Spain’t has responded by declaring war.