ARLINGTON CO., Va. – – 

The US Army has begun deliberately recruiting former school shooters in new initiative aimed at rehabilitation and reintegration. The program, dubbed “Second Chance Soldiers,” seeks to provide a structured environment and purpose for individuals with violent pasts. 

The shooters were specifically chosen because of their marksmanship and stamina in high-intensity scenarios, which the Army believes can be redirected towards armed combat. 

“These guys have excellent marksmanship,” said Army representative Calvin Whitfield. “They have prior experience, which we can’t say about most recruits, and practice makes perfect.” 

The Army’s decision has faced intense backlash from the public and advocacy groups. “This is an incredibly dangerous and misguided policy,” said David Peterson, director of the Coalition Against Gun Violence. “Allowing individuals with such traumatic and violent histories into the military could put countless lives at risk. 

Proponents of the program argue that it offers a path to redemption for those who have committed heinous acts. “We believe in second chances,” said Colonel James Hartman, who oversees the initiative. “These individuals have served their time and are seeking a way to contribute positively to society. Also, it’s pretty d*mn impressive to snipe fifteen kids and six or seven teachers on a random Tuesday.” 

The first recruits are set to begin training later this year, with strict psychological evaluations and oversight in place. As the debate over this policy rages on, the Army hopes that “Second Chance Soldiers” will prove to be a successful and transformative program. The Army is currently reviewing a new proposal to recruit serial killers as well.