All Non-Morbidly Obese People Now Considered “In Shape”
ATLANTA. Ga. — To adjust for the large share of obese Americans, the CDC has declared all non-morbidly obese people…
Libertarians Propose Bill to Abolish Road Rules
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move toward ultimate freedom on the road, libertarians have proposed a bill for various changes…
Disney Makes Inclusive Bambi Remake in Which Both Bambi’s Moms Die
HOLLYWOOD, Ca. — Disney has announced their newest remake: this one a remake of the classic Bambi, in which a…
Weatherman Predicts 100% Chance of Sunrise
MOESBURG, Ok. — In an astonishing feat of meteorological accuracy, local weatherman Jim Atkinson has managed to accurately predict one…
Physicist Discovers Secret to Time Travel, but Can Only Go Forward at Regular Speed
Geneva, SWITZERLAND — Many have long dreamed of the power of time travel, but a Swiss physicist believes he has…
Family Reunites from Across Country to Stare at Screens Together
MOESBURG, Ok. — Every Christmas, the extended Kidwelly family returns home to Moesburg at the Grandma and Grandpa Kidwelly residence.…
iPad Most Effective Babysitter
LONDON, England, U.K. — Researchers at the London Institute for Social Research have completed a study showing the iPad to…
Dreams Crushed: Woman Could Have Trained Whole Life to Become Prima Ballerina, but Didn’t
MOESBURG, Ok. — Every December when Amanda Collins goes to see The Nutcracker ballet, she imagines herself performing flawless pirouettes…
Accidents Caused by BeReal
MOESBURG, Ok. — A spree of phone-induced accidents is becoming increasingly rampant among Moesburg teenagers. The culprit seems to be…