MOESBURG, Ok. —
In a world where instant gratification is the norm, where microwave meals have become the culinary holy grail, and where hunger is the ultimate villain, we find ourselves in the midst of an absurd saga of epic proportions. This is the tale of a man so devoted to his food, so utterly enamored with the prospect of a gastronomic delight, that nothing – not even a waiter’s cardiac arrest – could stand in the way of his belly’s desire.
Meet Howard Metzler, a self-proclaimed “foodie” with a sophisticated palate for the finer flavors of life. Armed with an uncanny ability to sniff out Michelin-star restaurants from miles away, he scours the city in search of the perfect culinary experience, seeking dishes so delectable that they could unite even the most bitter of foes.
One fateful evening, Metzler found himself at “Giovanni’s Eatery,” a family-owned restaurant renowned for its avant-garde creations and its ability to squeeze every last penny from its customers’ wallets. Armed with high expectations and a growling stomach, he eagerly sat down, ready to be whisked away on a gustatory journey.
As the menu was presented to him like a sacred scroll, Metzler’s eyes widened in excitement. But alas, fate had other plans. Just as he finished his appetizer of a large plate of garlic bread sticks, the waiter, a tall man with a black mustache and a name tag that read “Vince,” clutched his chest and dramatically collapsed like a culinary Jenga tower.
Instead of expressing concern or offering help, Metzler’s initial reaction was nothing short of incredulity. “Are you kidding me right now?” he exclaimed, gazing at the unconscious waiter sprawled on the floor.
But as minutes turned into what felt like hours, and paramedics rushed in to attend to the unfortunate waiter, the realization started to sink in. Metzler’s dreams of sinking his teeth into a meatball were fading away, unlike the smell of garlic on his breath. .
As his dinner plans crumbled like a poorly-made soufflé, Metzler was gripped by a plethora of emotions. He went through the five stages of grief in record time. Denial: “This can’t be happening to me!” Anger: “How dare this waiter ruin my dining experience!” Bargaining: “Can’t we just wheel him out of sight, and I’ll pretend like nothing happened?” Depression: “My taste buds will never forgive me for this.” Acceptance: “Fine, I’ll have a salad. But it better be worth it!”
Throughout the ordeal, Metzler’s insatiable hunger never waned. He sent disgruntled looks towards the paramedics and mumbled under his breath about the untimely nature of heart attacks. “He couldn’t have waited until after dessert, could he?” he quipped, eliciting raised eyebrows from those around him.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the restaurant staff managed to find a replacement waiter who bravely stepped into the line of fire to take orders. With a mix of relief and reluctance, Metzler placed his order, trying to rekindle the excitement he felt just moments before the cardiac chaos.
As he waited for his food to arrive, he couldn’t help but wonder if the wait time would now be twice as long due to the heart-stopping intermission. “What if this meal is so good, it’s literally to die for?” he joked, trying to lighten the mood. The silence at the table was deafening.
In the end, as the dishes were served one by one, Metzler managed to savor the food. Yet, his heart (no pun intended) was no longer in it. He couldn’t shake the lingering feeling of annoyance, disturbed by the inconvenient interruption that threw his culinary adventure off-kilter.
And so, dear readers, let this tale be a cautionary one for all food enthusiasts out there: No matter how passionately you love your food, let’s remember that the lives and well-being of those around us are less important than the delicious food we put into our bodies. Medical emergencies should not take precedence over getting food right away. Bon appétit.