MOESBURG, Ok. —

Chadifer Dunleavey, formerly known as Chad Dunleavey, has recently come to the realization that he (or she, as we now have to say) is transgender after realizing that “she” cannot be a man because she does not think about the Roman Empire an abnormal amount of times throughout the day.

Dunleavey, who transitioned from male to female last week, said of her brave transition, “I was on social media and saw a trend where women were asking men how often they think about the Roman Empire, and the general consensus was that men think about the Roman Empire a lot. Before now, I thought I was a man, but since I don’t think about the Roman Empire any more than once a month, I must be a woman.”

Despite the fact that Dunleavey has been talking nonstop about how she does not think about the Roman Empire at all and that she “Never ever thinks about the Roman Empire or the short reign of Julius Caesar or the longer reign of Augustus Caesar or the centurions or any of that stuff,” Dunleavey still maintains that she is, in fact, a woman, and she knows that because “she” never thinks about the Roman Empire.