MOESBURG, Ok. – – 

In what administrators are calling an “unprecedented promotion,” St. Todd’s Hospital has announced a limited-time two-for-one deal on amputations. The offer, which is apparently valid for any combination of fingers, toes, or limbs, has drawn both curiosity and outrage from the public.

“We wanted to provide patients with more options while making our services accessible,” said hospital spokesperson Thomas Marks. “Plus, it’s a way to efficiently manage operating room time.” 

According to sources, the promotion is part of a new efficiency initiative, which also includes discounted appendectomies and buy-one-get-one colonoscopies.  Early reports indicate that interest has been surprisingly high, though some patients have requested clarification on whether the offer includes prosthetics.

Ethicists and officials have expressed concern. “This is beyond unconventional,” said Dr. Harold Steiner, a medical ethics professor at Harvard University. “Amputation is a serious, life-altering procedure. It’s not something to put on a coupon flyer.” 

The hospital, however, insists that patient safety remains their top priority and that all procedures will continue to follow standard medical guidelines—regardless of promotional pricing. 

As for why the promotion was conceived in the first place, Marks offered a simple explanation: “Why not? Everyone loves a good deal.”