Department of Homeland Security: “Has Anyone Seen a Black Laptop?”
Washington, D.C. – – The Department of Homeland Security is searching for a missing black laptop that may contain sensitive…
Army Hires Former School Shooters: “Practice Makes Perfect”
ARLINGTON CO., Va. – – The US Army has begun deliberately recruiting former school shooters in new initiative aimed at…
Politician Praises Bill Before Being Reminded He Voted Against It
Washington, D.C. – – Senator Richard Caldwell (R-MO) publicly lauded a new education funding bill Thursday morning—only to be reminded…
Marathon Runners Fail to Find Cure for Breast Cancer
JACKSONVILLE, Fl. – – Thousands of runners flooded the streets on Sunday for the National Marathon to Finish Breast Cancer.…
HSS Allows First-Ever Meat Donors
Washington, D.C., U.S.–Â As an effort to solve world hunger, American organ donors can now register as meat donors, allowing…
All Non-Morbidly Obese People Now Considered “In Shape”
ATLANTA. Ga. — To adjust for the large share of obese Americans, the CDC has declared all non-morbidly obese people…
Libertarians Propose Bill to Abolish Road Rules
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move toward ultimate freedom on the road, libertarians have proposed a bill for various changes…
Suicide: Punishable by Death?
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a brilliant display of progressive thinking, members of the legislative branch have announced the ultimate solution…
National Security Emergency: Somebody Just Leaked the President’s Address
WASHINGTON, DC. — In an astonishing display of modern technological prowess, an anonymous internet sleuth has managed to do what…