MOESBURG, Ok. —  

For many of us, a healthy work-life balance seems like a far-off dream. But for local resident Abner Mitchell, the dream has become a reality. Despite being unemployed for the past year, Mitchell has finally found a work-life balance that suits his needs. 

“I’ve always admired people who can juggle their personal interests with their professional lives,” said Mitchell, who has not updated his resumé since the Obama administration. “I thought, why not apply the same principles to my life as a whole?” 

Abner Mitchell’s mornings begin with an impressive feat of multitasking as he scrolls through his social media feed, catches up on the latest sports games, and simultaneously devours an entire box of cereal. Afternoons are dedicated to refining his technique of moving from the couch to the fridge without breaking a sweat. 

“It’s all about finding a balance that works for you,” said Mitchell. “And for me personally, I prefer a work-life balance that leans more heavily towards the life side and not so much the work.”   

Despite his lack of a paycheck, Mitchell has managed to become the go-to consultant for friends seeking advice on balancing their work and personal lives. His most sought-after tip? “Invest in a high-quality recliner and never compromise on the snack supply.”