MOESBURG, Ok. —

Stalking can be a terrifying experience that can leave the victim feeling personally attacked and vulnerable. 

Jennifer Smith knows this as well as anyone. She has recently spoken out about her experience as a stalking victim. 

“This creepy middle–aged man has been stalking me,” Hughes reported. “He drives by my house multiple times a day, he’s been making calls and hanging up, he shows up to my work at Starbucks and stays my entire shift watching me. Sometimes I catch him across the street with binoculars, looking into my windows.” 

To get more information, we at the Moesburg Times head to local Jennifer expert, 44-year-old Jeremy Simpson. 

“I’m quite an expert on Jennifer,” Simpson explained. “For instance, I know that her parents’ names are Mike and Karen, her mother’s maiden name is Cowan, that she shaves her legs three times a week, usually on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays. I also know that her childhood dog’s name was Charlie, I know that she is an only child, I know that her maternal cousins’ names are Zach and Katie King and that her paternal cousins’ names are Ryan and Michael Savage, Veronica and Terry Lincoln, and Ben, Ella, and Ian Hamilton. And Jennifer hates being called Jenny, and she is allergic to dairy and penicillin. Um, I might also add that her social security number is very aesthetically pleasing to the eye.” 

When asked about the restraining order Smith filed against the stalker, Simpson responded by informing us of her wardrobe. 

“At 3:47 last Thursday afternoon, she came into the police station wearing a purple blouse and those black yoga pants she bought two months ago at Target,” Simpson reported. 

One of our reporters asked Simpson who he thought the identity of the stalker was. Simpson made a long pause and simply responded, “I have not a clue.”