Study Finds Those Who Talk to Plants Happier Than Those Who Talk to People
LONDON, England, U.K. — A recent study has uncovered an unexpected discovery: that conversing with plants leads to higher levels…
National Security Emergency: Somebody Just Leaked the President’s Address
WASHINGTON, DC. — In an astonishing display of modern technological prowess, an anonymous internet sleuth has managed to do what…
Baby Names Made Easy: Having Twins… Again?
Hiram & Byeram Say hello to our first two options, Hiram and Byeram! Everett & Neverett Did you think you…
New Law Requires Politicians to Wear Lie Detector Vests, Technology Overwhelmed
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Politicians lie. This is a well-known fact. In an attempt to bring transparency to the world of…
Unemployed Man Achieves Ideal Work-Life Balance
MOESBURG, Ok. — For many of us, a healthy work-life balance seems like a far-off dream. But for local resident…
Scientists Warn Breathing Oxygen Linked to 100% Mortality Rate
LONDON, England, U.K. — In a recent study conducted by researchers at the London School for the Socially Unacceptable, a…
Ancestry.com Adds “Oppressed and Marginalized Minority” as Ethnicity Estimate on DNA Tests
Ancestry.com has announced their latest update to their DNA test results – the addition of a new ethnicity category: “Oppressed…
Average Number of Languages Spoken Per American Drops to 0.8
U.S.A. — In a depressing development for this nation, the linguistic prowess of Americans has hit an all-time low, with…
Child Collector Facing Backlash for Controversial Hobby
MOESBURG, Ok. — Meet Charles Kaufman, a self-proclaimed child collector. His collection currently boasts of 230 children, a world record…