MOESBURG, Ok. —
Brianna McDaniel, a 20-year-old feminist studies major at Moesburg Community College, claims she was stalked by 21-year-old classmate Ned Williams. On Valentine’s Day, she went into American history class and found a love letter in a purple envelope at her desk. Disgusted by the poetry and all the nice things Williams had to say about her, she threw the note in the garbage. On the way out of class, Williams approached her with a bouquet of lilacs, her favorite flowers, and asked her what she thought of his note and if she would consider going on a date with him. Revolted at the Williams’s “creepy” approach, McDaniel threw the flowers in his face and called him a creep. She has since reached out to the paper to warn other young attractive females that a nice young man might express interest in them. 

As of publishing time, McDaniel has asked The Moesburg Times where a young lady like her might find a boyfriend. She complains of being lonely.