WASHINGTON, D.C. —

James Daughtery, a local man deemed “annoying” has recently had his freedom of speech revoked by the Supreme Court in a near unanimous decision.

Daughtery reportedly engages in topics of conversation deemed “annoying,” such as the weather, how he is better than everyone else, how the moon landing was faked, how he once won an arm-wrestling competition against his sister, and how his mother’s chicken salad is superior to all other mothers’ chicken salad. He also reportedly spits when he speaks.

When questioned on the drasticity of this measure, Chief Justice John G. Roberts said, “James is just that annoying. To force the general public, or even just his neighbors and imaginary friends, to put up with his endless blabber would be a great injustice.”

Daughtery would give us his opinion on the matter, but he is now prohibited from doing so.