WORLD — 

A shocking admission made by hundreds of the world’s top scientists revealed that for all these years, scientists have been using rats as unwilling test subjects not for the sake of advancing knowledge, but purely due to their deep-seated resentment towards the furry creatures. 

The long-standing resentment towards rats dates back to the 14th century, when the rodents were blamed for the Black Death in Europe. 

“My life’s mission is to make those rats pay for spreading diseases to my ancestors,” said Dr. Alfred Treadaway, a prominent toxicologist at the London School for the Socially Unacceptable, a private research university known for its copious experiments of rodents. 

However, this is not the only motivation endorsed by the scientists. One researcher, Dr. Emma Felton of Johns Hopkins University, conducted a study on her fellow researchers. Dr. Felton revealed, “We found a remarkable correlation between researchers’ negative attitudes toward rats and their own personal failures. Rats, with their prodigious intelligence and freedom from student debt, seem to serve as constant reminders of the researchers’ own limitations.” 

In response to Dr. Felton’s findings, one anonymous researcher confessed, “It’s true; I have a deep-seated resentment toward rats. I mean, look at them, so carefree and nimble, while I’m stuck here trying to publish a paper that won’t get rejected for the umpteenth time.” 

This rampant rat hostility manifests in various ways inside the laboratory. It is common for researchers to implement unnecessarily complicated mazes for the rats to navigate or to perform slowly poison the rats to death under the guise of a toxicology test. 

For years, rodents’ rights groups have disclosed disturbing accounts of horrific experiments scientists have subjected rats to. From the infamous “Let’s Give This Rat a Brain Tumor and See What Happens: Test #36” to the “Rat in the Oven Endurance Challenge,” it is evident that some researchers have crossed ethical boundaries in their quest to satisfy their contempt. 

To combat this blatant injustice, rodents’ rights activists have begun protesting outside research institutions, with the activists chanting slogans like “Rats Are Food, Not Experiments!” and “Rats Didn’t Even Cause Bubonic Plague, You Idiot!” 

Nonetheless, some scientists continue to deny these allegations, insisting that their work is purely for anger management purposes. However, rodents’ rights activists argue that making voodoo dolls of the rats would serve a similar purpose, as well as being a more humane alternative. 

So the next time you hear about another groundbreaking study conducted on rats, take a moment to ponder the motives behind it. Is it genuine scientific inquiry, or are they just venting their frustration about their latest breakup and taking it out on the rats? The answer might be more unsettling than you would expect.