Since January, the public has been eagerly awaiting the day when NASA finally exhibits their newest rocket prototype, the Vulture C3. The ship was unveiled on the 18th of December, but tragically, the launch was postponed to a later date because a pair of geese were resting on the launch pad. Gemma Larson, a technician for NASA, spoke with us, and allowed us to listen to a recording of the incident:
Ground Control: This is ground control to the Vulture C3, Vulture C3, do you copy?
Astronaut 1: This is the Vulture C3, yes we copy.
Ground Control: Okay, everyone fasten your seat belts and please put the vehicle in neutral. Also, don’t roll the windows down.
Astronaut 1: Um, this is a rocket ship, not a car. Rockets don’t have all those features.
Ground Control: Oh, dear. My apologies, this is my first day here. Anyways, preparing for blast off. All systems ready to go. 10, 9, 8–
Astronaut 2: STOP THE VEHICLE!
Astronaut 1: What?!
Astronaut 2: I have to pee.
Astronaut 1: I told you to go before blast off! It’s too late now!
Ground Control: 7, 6, 5–
Astronaut 2: STOP THE VEHICLE!
Astronaut 1: I swear, if you forgot to pack your toothbrush again–
Astronaut 2: THERE’S GEESE ON THE LAUNCH PAD!
Astronaut 1: MAYDAY! MAYDAY! ABORT!
Ground Control: You haven’t even started moving yet, we’re only on the countdown.
Astronaut 2: DON’T HIT THEM!
Ground Control: What do you want me to do about it? Should I press the big red button that says ‘do not press under any circumstances’? I think I’ll just press it, and hope that nothing explodes. Okay, I have pressed it. All systems off. (end of recording)
Larson has informed us that the big red button shut down literally all of NASA’s systems, including the microwave, which means no one can heat their tuna casserole for the foreseeable future. We also spoke with one of the astronauts who was on board the Vulture C3 during the incident, Major Tom.
“I was quite worried that these geese would be fried alive,” Major Tom says. “I mean, I hear of geese in the way of moving vehicles all the time, so I am aware of how stubborn they can be. But you never expect these things to happen to you.”
We attempted to interview the geese, and though they did not have much to say, we can report that they have showed no regret for their behavior.