MOESBURG, Ok. —
A homeschooling family has been cast out from their once-loving community for committing the grave sin of not having enough children. The Lambert family, comprised of parents Alan and Jenny Lambert and their two perfectly normal offspring, Addie and Jack, have become the pariahs of their homeschooling network due to their inability to meet the arbitrary quota of four children.
Once lauded as homeschooling pioneers and celebrated for their commitment to education, the Lamberts now find themselves banished to the outskirts of the community, surrounded by tumbleweeds and the occasional lonely cricket. Neighbors, who once shared lesson plans and discussed the intricacies of differential equations, now look upon them with judgmental eyes, whispering behind cupped hands.
“At first, we welcomed them when we thought they were going to have more children,” said local mother-of-nine Louise Mayfield. “But then the years went by and no little babies started sprouting out from Jenny like a litter of rabbits. Then last Sunday, Jenny made a Facebook post implying she was done having children. That was the final straw.”
“I just can’t believe the audacity of those Lamberts,” said Sarah Jenkins, a mother-of-seven. “Who do they think they are, with only two children? It’s an affront to everything we stand for!”
“It’s almost as bad as having just one child,” said mother-of-ten Maggie McNeil. “We aren’t in China, after all.”
The Lamberts, in an exclusive interview, expressed their bewilderment at the sudden ostracism. “We thought we were accepted for who we were,” Jenny said with a shaky voice. “We never imagined that the size of our family would determine our worth as homeschoolers.”
Community leaders argue that their actions are justified, claiming that the Lamberts’ small family goes against the very principles of homeschooling. “Homeschooling is all about creating mini-communities of academia,” declared Jonathan Anderson, a self-appointed homeschooling advocate. “How can we build a thriving community if families aren’t producing at least a basketball team’s worth of students?”
Meanwhile, other homeschooling parents are scrambling to ensure they meet the quota, rushing to add more children to their broods in a desperate attempt to avoid the Lamberts’ fate. Local fertility clinics have reported an unexpected surge in demand as parents frantically seek ways to increase their family size.
The Lamberts’ plight has attracted the attention of prominent homeschooling figures nationwide, with some calling for a reevaluation of the community’s priorities. “We should be celebrating diversity in homeschooling,” argued Dr. Allison Watson, a leading education expert. “Size should not matter; quality of education and a nurturing environment should be the focus.
Nonetheless, the Lamberts remain hopeful that sanity will prevail. “We have always believed in the power of education and community,” Alan Lambert said resolutely. “We hope that our fellow homeschoolers will come to their senses and recognize that the number of children a family has does not determine their ability to provide an enriching educational experience.”