U.S.A. – 

After an anonymous whistleblower claimed that the 2023 ACT questions all have to do with social justice and gender inclusion, ACT, Inc. and the College Board have come out with a statement confirming the validity of this statement. 

“We realized that trying to assess students’ abilities in various academic disciplines was overrated,” said College Board representative Olivia Maloney. “Instead, we wanted to foster a holistic understanding of societal issues and pressing challenges our world faces – from our unbiased point of view, of course.” 

Examples of questions include: 

How many genders are there? 

A. 72

B. 107

C. 483

D. 666

E. It is impossible to quantify each person’s individual lived experience with one’s own gender identity; therefore, this question is impossible for me to answer.

Kim (she/they) brought 24 Pride Progress flags to the Pride parade and handed one each to 18 children. 6 of the children are Latinx. What are the odds of any given flag going to a Latinx child? 

A. 1 in 2

B. 1 in 3

C. 1 in 4

D. 1 in 8

E. 1 in 24

Joey (he/him) is a white, culturally Jewish, straight, middle-class neurodivergent cis male of slightly above-average weight who grew up in a single-parent household. On a scale of 1 to 10, how oppressed is he? 

A. 1 

B. 3 

C. 4.7

D. 6

E. 10

Gone are the days of fretting over complex algebraic equations or struggling to make sense of a long literary passage. Test-takers enter a new era – one where critical thinking, logical reasoning, and subject-specific knowledge take a backseat to an all-encompassing, catch-all answer that sums up the mindset of a select few. 

In the wake of this revelation, high school students all over the country are rejoicing and replacing their study books with the like of White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo, Gender-Critical Feminism by Holly Lawford-Smith, and How to Be an Anti-Racist by Ibram X. Kendi.