MOESBURG, Ok. —

A local pastor has recently discovered he was the victim of a crime that happened seven years ago. On Tuesday, Rev. Todd Thomas of Elm Grove Baptist Church, or “Pastor Todd,” as he is better known, decided to read his Bible. When he went to retrieve it from his study, it was not there. Thinking he had simply misplaced it, he remembered the last time he had read his Bible, and determined it must have gone missing seven years ago. 

“I haven’t picked up a Bible since,” said Pastor Todd. “Someone must have stolen it.” The Bible was missing from his church study, but the pastor’s worn-out copies of Harry Potter, Fifty Shades of Gray, Twilight, and an adult swear word coloring book were reported missing. 

“I know I had Fifty Shades of Gray on Sunday; I reread my favorite chapter right before church,” Pastor Todd reported. “And I was reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban just yesterday. But the Bible? Hmm… I remember reading it about seven years ago. That’s the last time I’ve seen it.” 

Fortunately, Pastor Todd found them in a pile of assorted granola bar wrappers under his bed. 

However, his Bible was not among them. 

For now, the whereabouts of Pastor Todd’s Bible remain a mystery.